Cup Status: 3/4 Full
As I have continued with my reading of books written by women about their own lives, I picked up Mostly Sunny by Janice Dean. I will fully admit that I had no idea who Janice Dean was before I read this book. I saw it at a discount bookstore, and I liked the title. I totally choose books based on titles and covers, all the time. I found her life story about her career very interesting. She began in radio, and since my husband has been in radio since he graduated from high school, I found her beginnings to be kind of cool. She made many references to people in the radio industry who my husband has also told me about. She mentioned radio technology that is currently sitting in my basement in various stages of working order. But, it turns out that the title is in reference to both her outlook on life and her current career as a meteorologist. I would like to think that I too have a mostly sunny attitude when it comes to life, but I am certain that my outlook leans more towards partially cloudy with some sun peeking through from time to time. While I found the book to be interesting overall, it was really the poem that she included in the end that spoke to me. She said that her father had given it to her when she was a child. The poem is called “Desiderata: Words for Life” by Max Ehrmann. It was published in 1927, but in the book, Dean calls it the “Desiderata of Happiness.” Here it is:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
The first step I took when reading this poem was to look up the definition of “Desiderata.” dictionary.com says it is, “things wanted or needed.” Merriam-Webster.com defines it as “something desired as essential.” Looking at these definitions, I see that this poem is a list of things that are essential, wanted, or needed. If I go with Dean’s title, it is for happiness. If I go with the poem’s title, it is for life. Happiness and life. Two important aspects of the human experience, and by life I don’t mean breathing and being alive. I mean truly living. Experiencing life. Loving every minute of it.
As the English teacher that I am, I will simplify this poem for myself so that I can see the bones of it, the structure, the “what” I am supposed to gain from its words.
Stanza One:
Go placidly (peacefully, calmly) though life
Remember the peace of silence
Be on good terms with all people
Do not surrender
Speak your truth
Listen to others
Stanza Two:
Avoid aggressive people
Do not compare yourself to others
Enjoy your achievements
Enjoy your plans
Stanza Three:
Be interested in your career (it has great worth in an uncertain world)
Be cautious in business
Do not be blind to virtue and high ideals (high moral standards)
There are heroes in the world
Stanza Four:
Be yourself
Do not pretend to like/love someone
Do not be cynical (distrustful) about love
Love is perennial (enduring)
Stanza Five:
Accept the wisdom of growing older
Grow strong in spirit for tough moments.
Do not imagine bad things in the future.
Fear comes from being tired and lonely.
Be disciplined in life.
Be gentle with yourself.
Stanza Six:
You have great importance.
You have a right to be alive.
Everything is happening as planned.
Stanza Seven:
Be at peace with a higher power.
Have peace in your soul.
Stanza Eight:
The world is beautiful despite all of the negative.
Be cheerful (full of good spirits).
Strive (devote great energy to) to be happy.
The Big Ideas of the Poem:
peace with others
peace with higher power
peace with self
truth
acceptance
self-acceptance
self-discipline
self-importance
wisdom
work
right to live
gentleness
beauty
love
cheerfullness
happiness
enjoyment
After breaking down the poem into these big ideas, it is a simple, yet profound list. Some seem easier than others to accomplish, but it is clear how all of these ideas fit together to form a full and happy life.
The list begins with peace, and I can think of no better way to soothe the soul than to have peace. Of the three in the list, peace with self is the most important to me. If I do not have peace with myself, then I cannot possibly have peace with anyone else. Peace with myself means accepting myself, flaws and all. It means being ok with not being perfect. It means not using the word “should” about my life. It means not comparing myself to others and finding myself lacking. So many important lessons that have been learned through so many dark moments and lots of therapy. While peace with others is important, I have also come to the point in my life where I don’t need to please others. I don’t need to be accepted by others. I don’t need the validation of others to be valuable. I have decided to only bring people into my life who love me, positively challenge me, make me better, and accept me. I will no longer suffer the people who bring me down or make my life more difficult. This is not to say that I don’t pull my own weight. That I don’t support those around me. That I am cold or closed-off. The opposite is true. I love to help others. It is in my nature to be supportive and welcoming, but if I am burned, it is forever. I don’t have time in my life for purposeful hurt and hatefulness. Life is too short. Life is also too short to deal with the frustrations of church and a fickle higher power who may or may not care about me. I have also made peace with my relationship with God, which is to say that I have walked away from church and broken ties with that higher power. There are days when I miss the feeling of belonging that church youth group used to give me, but the amount of judgement and hurt that I have faced at the hands of so-called Christians is enough to wipe away anything positive. That part of my young, impressionable life was important for teaching me many life lessons, but I have made peace with where I am now. I no longer wear the title of Christian, and I have never been happier.
Beauty is another element of the list that is so important to me. I find beauty in nature, in words, and in friendship. I love to be out in nature and am happiest when I am near water. If I could sit on the beach with the waves crashing near me and just breathe, that would be peace and paradise for me. Words swirl in my mind and jump out to me and stay with me in my soul. I read books and certain phrases stick with me. I hear songs and lines stay in mind forever. Language has always been a part of me. But the most beautiful thing in my life that I cherish on the same level as my family is my friends. I have been so lucky to meet the most amazing girls when we were in college in the early 2000’s. We met during marching band and all joined the same co-ed band fraternity, Kappa Kappa Psi. We have been, at various times, roommates, bridesmaids, therapists, adventurers, shenanigan creators, and so much more. We have a daily group chat that keeps us connected. We can text any of us at a moment’s notice, and at least one of us will be there. We have seen each other through joy and sorrow and anger and fear. These women are my family, even more so than the ones I have by blood because we chose each other. And the beautiful thing is that we continue to choose each other over and over again. That is beauty and joy and happiness all wrapped together.
With age has come some wisdom, but no matter how many years pass, I will still feel like a kid inside who is masquerading as an adult. How did I become an adult? How did I become the veteran teacher? How on earth did I get gray hair? Lol! But no matter how many years I have left on this earth, I will continue to strive to be happy.
So, thank you to Janice Dean for introducing me to the “Desiderata: Words for Life” by Max Ehrmann and thank you to Max Ehrman for helping me to reflect on what I need to be happy. My personal list, my Desiderata of Happiness, is this:
Accept and be at peace with myself
Compare myself to no one, because I am me.
Continue to find beauty in the little things.
Make time for nature.
Make time for friends.
Make time for family.
Make time for me.
Do the things that I enjoy.
Only allow in those things and people who make my life better.
Focus on health, not being skinny.
Block out the noise of life that is not helpful.
Sleep is beautiful.
Travel whenever possible.
Experience new things.
Always remember when trials happen, this too shall pass.
These are the things that I will hold onto with all that is in me. With the conviction that I have learned from one of my favorite writers, Annie Dillard. In one of my favorite essays, “Living Like Weasels,” she says, “We could, you know. We can live any way we want…I think it would be well, and proper, and obedient, and pure, to grasp your one necessity and not let it go, to dangle from it limp wherever it takes you. Then even death, where you’re going no matter how you live, cannot you part.” This is a Desiderata. To live any way that we want. To live for the essential. The necessary. Life. Happiness. Me.
The Cup 
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