Cup Status: 3/4 Full
Summer is winding down, and it is time to begin finishing up projects and preparing for the beginning of the next school year. I am both ready for routine and not excited to lose my freedom. I am enjoying sleeping as much as my body needs it, reading tons of books, and spending time with my family, although occasional breaks do us all some good. I am enjoying working in my garden and getting housework done in a reasonable time frame. But August first is just around the corner, and that is my self-imposed school prep time. So, for the next day, I will allow myself to continue working on the things for myself and my family that I want to. But after August first, I will begin working on curriculum planning again and prepping for the first few weeks of school. I like to have my ducks in a row so that I can walk into the building knowing what I need to copy and prep there, but not freaking out because I can’t remember my first unit. Lol! I think that part of my brain thrives on work and truly enjoys it. Even though the procrastination part of me will put things off during the school year to avoid the pain and suffering that it perceives the work will bring, in reality, it brings satisfaction and a reduction in stress. Brains are crazy.
So, for now, as a reminder to myself, I have a passage from How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran that talks about the importance of living. By the way, if you haven’t read this book, it was so incredible, insightful, funny, and many more adjectives that won’t do it justice. Of all the books that I have read this summer by female authors, this one is at the top. Towards the end of the book, she talks about the importance of truly living. She says, “The real cost of living is dying, and we’re spending days like millionaires: a week here, a month there, casually spunked until all you have left are the two pennies on your eyes…Personally, I like the fact that we’re going to die. There’s nothing more exhilarating than waking up every morning and going, ‘WOW! THIS IS IT! THIS IS REALLY IT!’ It focuses the mind wonderfully. It makes you love vividly, work intensely, and realize that in the scheme of things, you really don’t have time to sit on the sofa in your undies watching Homes Under the Hammer.” When I read this section, it really struck home with me how much of my life I drag myself out of bed, exhausted, and I go about my daily routine as if I am just trying to get back to my bed. If by some miracle I take a nap or get time to sit watching mindless TV, then I feel happy for some downtime to take care of me. I feel guilty for these moments of “nothing” because there is so much “something” out there that I need to be doing or that I should be grateful for. I should be living loud and large and sucking the marrow from life and taking all it has to give, but sometimes I just don’t have the drive. So, while each day is closer to death, and I know that I am spending days like I have an infinite supply, I don’t know any other way it seems. With summer, I wile away the time doing not much and yet so much. When school starts, I accomplish more in one day than I do in an entire week during the summer. I am not sure which feels better to me. Which is more of an accomplishment? Does it matter? This summer I have been binge-watching Maine Cabin Masters, though not in my undies, just in my around-the-house clothes. I am dreaming of a road trip to see their HQ and to see Niagara Falls on the way. Our family would get their passports so that they can see the American and the Canadian side. My husband has friends in Montreal, and we would catch up with them and get to see the city they describe so lovingly. We will taste-test maple syrup and eat lobster, or whatever you do in Maine as a visitor in the summer. We are midwesterners, so this will be a whole new experience for us! I watch, and I dream. Then my daughter says she wants to go to Las Vegas because the Spy Ninjas HQ is there and she is a huge fan, so we Google Maps how long it would take to drive there. We then begin planning a dream trip to Las Vegas, complete with a visit to Spy Ninjas HQ, riding the gondolas at The Venetian, seeing the neon light museum, and other must-do Vegas things. Then, I think about how much I would love a condo on the water in Galveston, TX, my favorite place to vacation. Owning a piece of paradise on this island has been a dream of ours. My husband wants to own and run a radio station in Galveston, and we would have a condo, and we could stay whenever we wanted to. It would be awesome. When I mention these dreams to others, they say, ” So, go for it!” I say, “With what money?” They say, “If you want it bad enough, you will find a way.” I think life is short. How can we make this work? But I look at the bank account and the month and the money left, and I sigh. Today may be the day that I have, but it will be filled with travel dreams for now and curriculum planning for tomorrow. Maybe we will get to fulfill these dreams soon. One never knows. Till then, I will keep planning and dreaming.
The Cup 
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