The Cup

Sometimes in life, the cup is half-empty, sometimes it is half-full, sometimes it runneth-over, and sometimes it is bone dry. I’d like to say it is all in a person’s perspective, but I don’t really believe that. I do, however, believe that sometimes, life hands a person a set of circumstances and those circumstances define themselves and all the person can do is deal with the cup they are dealt. That is not always a negative thing, but it is not always positive either. It all depends on what is in the cup and what you do with it.

Tag: life

  • Post #16: 6/1/26: Toil and Trouble

    Post #16: 6/1/26: Toil and Trouble

    Cup Status: Empty, Not Even a Drop.

    So, it has been quite some time since I have posted. There were days when it ached not to write. There were other days when I was too exhausted to remember to write. Then there were days when I didn’t feel anything at all. When I think back on the last 6 months, I have been pretty absent from my own life. Trying to keep my head, and the heads of my four family members, above water will do that to a person. I have always been a nose-to-the-grindstone kind of person, but when we couldn’t pay our bills and couldn’t afford food for our children, things had to rapidly change. So, in October, I applied for a second job. This was after months of crunching the numbers and selling things and calling creditors and asking for an extension and trying to hide my growing panic from everyone who loves me. I know what some of you might be thinking. Wow, a second job. That isn’t that heroic. People do this all the time. True, and I am not negating that, but for me, this was, and continues to be, a very large sacrifice of time. I am an English teacher who teaches daily and who grades for hours. Yes, after 21 years, I have mastered the art of grading as quickly as possible, but when you have 150 students, assignments and essays still take time, and I mean HOURS of time FOR WHICH WE DO NOT GET PAID BECAUSE THERE ISN’T ENOUGH TIME IN THE CONTRACTED DAY TO GET IT ALL DONE IN THE EXPECTED TIMELY MANNER. So, I grade on my couch while holding my children. I grade in my bed while trying to stay awake. I take my grading to my second job and grade during my breaks. This has brought some camaraderie to my second job as I get many offers to help and jovial suggestions of what comments to leave. I just love that I am completing work for one job at my other place of work. Shrug and sigh, but this is because I get things done. To my own detriment at times.

    Well, back in October, I was hired to work at Walmart in my small town. I quickly learned that I would be working with many former students and several current students. What a strange place to be where some called me by my first name while others called Ms. T. Then people I didn’t know before working there called me Ms. T just because some of the teenagers did. It was kind of funny. I just started to respond to anything that sounded like it was aimed at me, as long as it wasn’t insulting. If it was, I yelled something equally fun back…just kidding…unless it was an adult whom I did not know in any educational way. I appreciated this job for many reasons. I didn’t have to be in charge of anything or anyone. I could just show up, work hard, and go home. What a novel concept. I could joke around with people and be a little bit more of myself, as long as the current students weren’t there…awkward…I could listen to audiobooks while working since I don’t work in a customer-facing position. I have finished 39 books this calendar year so far! But, as I worked 4-6 days a week, my body began to protest. Then my mind. I couldn’t stay awake. I couldn’t focus. Then, my emotions went crazy. I was angry and emotional and irrational and laughing and crying all in the same 15-minute span. Things were not working, but I was bringing in extra money that we so desperately needed. And, something unexpected happened during the first few months when I felt myself losing control of my life and my schedule. I was finding satisfaction in my Walmart job that I rarely (at least it feels like rarely) felt at my teaching job. A coworker would ask me how to do something and I would show them. Then they would do it correctly and tell me thanks! Then, they would be praised by the team lead for doing a good job that day or days or weeks later. I saw the immediate benefit of my teaching. In my classroom, I would often teach a student one-on-one and see them correctly understand and demonstrate that understanding of a concept to me and then get every response wrong on a formative assessment later that hour or the next class period. Barely any time had passed and they had already forgotten. What was the point? Why did I bother? (Now, this was not the case with every student, but you get the point). I would work hard during a 9-hour closing shift and at the end of the night, everything was done well. I knew that we had set the morning crew up for a successful opening shift. There was satisfaction in that. I knew that my work would benefit the next shift. But, at school, I can only hope that my students will remember what I teach them so that their teacher the next year will be set up for success as well. I can only hope…not know for sure. That is so disheartening.

    So, for months, Walmart took over my spare time. I barely saw my kids. I barely saw my spouse. My house fell apart. Forget meal planning. Forget getting my hair cut or painting my nails. Did I take a shower last night? I don’t remember; I was so tired that I was lucky I took out my contacts before falling asleep. When was the last time I saw my family and friends? I don’t know. Then came the worst moment. Despite all of the extra hours, it wasn’t enough. We were still drowning in debt and could not take out any more small loans from companies like Affirm. We were nearing Christmas and were worried. I sent a text that I didn’t want to send. Not because I was scared or worried she would say no, but because I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I had failed so badly. I had failed at being a provider. At being a mom. At being a wife. At being the person she had raised. How had I let things get this bad? Of course, no one expects to have their spouse experience a catastrophic medical event that almost takes their life and leaves them saddled with thousands and thousands in medical debt and the fallout that comes with that, but why hadn’t I made smarter choices? I should have saved more. I shouldn’t have bought this or that. I shouldn’t have done this or that. My mind swam with all of my failures and all of the choices that I had made that had led to the text that I was about to send. So, I took a deep breath and just asked my mom if she could please lend us money to buy the kids some Christmas presents because we couldn’t afford it that year despite our best efforts. Her response was beautiful. I will have some money in your account tomorrow and it is a gift and not a loan. And she did. More than we needed. What I hadn’t said, but what she had to have known, was that we really needed money for other things too. Food. Utilities. Gas for our cars. I ugly cried because of the love and the relief and because I knew that for that brief time, I didn’t have to be my own safety net. There were other amazing people who helped us through the holidays as well. I am so blessed to have friends who stepped in and gifted my family with presents and financial assistance just because they love us and because they are some of the most amazing and selfless people I know. Just to show that when life is darkest, the universe can send a surprise, my dad visited us one day after the holidays and surprised us with some vintage finds and with a check that he had no idea how much we needed. The day he gave it to us, we had $2 in the bank and needed to buy groceries and put gas in the car, and yes, Dad, we also put it towards a medical bill. Lol!

    I am amazed at how things sometimes work out and I am so grateful for those who think of us. I really hope that one day we will be in a position where we can help others like they have helped us. What I worry about is that we will never get there. It has been 6 months and we are still working from paycheck to paycheck. I am plugging away at Walmart and working this summer on completing some graduate classes so that I can move up the pay scale at school. While this blog is about me, Jamie has also been voice-tracking for different radio stations, some in this state, some out of state, and one in Canada. Shout out! If anyone out there needs an awesome voice-tracker with 27 years of radio experience in a variety of markets and musical genres who has a ridiculous amount of musical trivia at the ready, have I got a guy for you! Some days he completes three different morning shows before I even wake up. But, despite both of us working two jobs and bringing in what we can, we are no closer to moving past surviving. It is so frustrating, so I think I just have to use this place to write about that. To get it out. I have this sign in my room that says, “Live the Life You Imagined.” Well, the life I imagined, had no crazy amounts of debt, did not involve worrying about having enough food for the week, did not include not being able to afford shoes when my kids outgrow them, did not have me convincing my sons that long hair looks good on them because we can’t afford haircuts, did not involve me being angry and depressed all the time, and definitely didn’t have me looking up jobs other than teaching that teachers can do because I just don’t know if I can last another 9 years until retirement. It involves not being so tired that I don’t have the energy to play with my kids. It involves living beyond the lowest levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. There is no way a person can thrive when they are trying to survive every day. Sure, we have a nice home, but we are one bad illness from losing it. Sure we have internet and streaming services, but we are one missed check from losing those, same with the cell phones, same with the electric service and the water bill and the trash service. We own our cars and are hoping that we can make them last as long as possible. Come on 2016 and 2019! You can do it!

    We are rich in the ways that matter. We have amazing families and friends. Truly. There are no words to express how much we love our people. We are working for our health after a rough two years. All tests have been coming back with positive and improved results. We have healthy children who keep us active. We have jobs, even when they frustrate the crap out of us. At those jobs, we have amazing coworkers who put up with us and keep things interesting. And, my one time-consuming hobby, my summer garden, is looking promising. Here’s hoping that some cheap seeds will indeed produce a large harvest. Maybe all of this toil and trouble will have a large harvest too and maybe it will be a positive one, but for now, my cup is empty because I am too tired to go fill it up.

  • Post #15: 10/7/25: Many Shades of Grey’s Anatomy

    Post #15: 10/7/25: Many Shades of Grey’s Anatomy

    Cup Status: Half Empty and Half Full

    I am at crossroads in many ways in my life this week. I am finishing up season 21 of Grey’s Anatomy after a marathon binge of the show that I started in June of this year. It has been a journey for sure. The 22nd season begins on the 9th and I am trying to finish season 21 in time for the start. So, while I am excited to be at the end of this massive journey, I am also sad that it is coming to an end. I have to wait for the end of the season to find out if there will be another one or if the long running show will come to an end. I sure hope it won’t. Even though I have seen a bit of a pattern in these episodes after watching so many of them, I still look forward to my nightly episode or two. So, as I wrap up this crazy, epic binge, here is what I have noticed about this show that I have spent so much time with:

    1. If you live in Seattle, something terrible will happen to you, eventually. It is inevitable.
    2. If you work for Seattle Grace/Grey-Sloan, you or someone you love will eventually end up in a life or death situation.
    3. At least once a season, someone’s job will be threatened due to some kind of illegal activity (Whether that activity was accidental or on purpose).
    4. If you are driving in a car you will probably get in a car accident. If you are driving in a car with another person you will get in a car accident and it will be terrible.
    5. If you take a day off to go have fun or relax, you will end up riding in an ambulance and back at the ER because you were on the scene of something grisly.
    6. Everyone will eventually kiss or sleep with everyone else. It will cause problems, but they will eventually get over it.
    7. Characters will be injured in many ways. Most of them terrible. Most of them catastrophic. Yet, somehow, many of them will survive.
    8. Characters you love will leave the show and it will suck. Many of them will be killed off so that they can’t come back, but that doesn’t mean they won’t make cameos because, see number 7.
    9. Hunt and Altman will never stop having issues. Ever. I am certain of this.
    10. If someone sneezes or coughs, blood will come out of their mouth or nose and then their condition will escalate very quickly.
    11. People will have feelings for each other or love each other, but they won’t say anything for days, weeks, months, seasons. Then, even after they do, the relationship will be rocky and will have so many ups and downs.
    12. I know that I will hear the terms: anastomosis, tachycardic, friable, intubation, central line, epinephrine, pneumothorax, whipple, etc. at least a million times an episode.
    13. I know that I will cry at least once every three or four episodes and it won’t be pretty.

    I know that there are more common occurrences that I will remember later when I am living my life, but these are the standouts for now. But, I will say this, no matter how many times I see repeated patterns or elements that seem a bit too familiar, I just smile because there is something comforting in the familiarity. These tropes do help to keep the world of Grey’s feeling familiar while so many of the characters have changed from season one to season 21. I am looking for to season 22 beginning on October 9th. But, the next decision I need to make is, what show will become the subject of my next binge? I am not sure yet. That is the beauty of the end of something–the beauty of choice and what comes next.

  • Post #13: 9/4/25: I Was Made for More

    Post #13: 9/4/25: I Was Made for More

    Cup Status: Filling Up, It Starts and Stops

    I love music. Music charms my soul. It fills me up. The words speak to me. There are many songs that have been the song of the moment for me across the years. Right now, the song that is my anthem of sorts is “Monster” by Andy Grammer. When this song starts playing, I turn up the volume and I sing the lyrics at the top of my lungs, or at least as loud as the time and place allows. My car is the best place to sing this song. Especially when I am driving down the highway. Something about the faster speed makes singing this song even more epic.

    The first stanza:

    “I been feeling numb, I been feeling stressed
    Putting in that work with my therapist
    And I’ve been letting go of some gnarly shit
    That’s been holding me back, back, back”

    This first section speaks to me because I have felt numb (for quite some time “Numb Little Bug” was my jam). It was easier to ignore my feelings than to deal with them and so I chose numbness. I have felt stressed and have tried, and am continuing to try, methods to deal with that stress. Yoga. Journaling. Deep breathing. Walking. And eventually therapy that has continued for several years. I have most definitely let go of tons and tons of gnarly shit. I have put in hours of work. Shed buckets of tears. Repeated many mantras. Reframed many thoughts. My therapist is definitely on the list of people I am most grateful for. I still have more work to do, but I’m tired of holding myself back.

    Chorus:

    “‘Cause there’s a calling, there’s a spirit
    And I’m trying to hear it
    Singing, “You were made for more, more, more”
    Ooh, more, more, more
    And there’s a whisper, there’s a power
    I can hear it getting louder
    Singing, “You were made for more, more, more”
    Ooh, more, more, more
    There’s a monster in me who shut down, went to sleep
    And forgot who he really was
    But he’s waking up”

    The thing is, I love my family. I love my life. Sure, I have general frustrations and things that I would change if I could (here’s looking at you kitchen cabinets that are missing doors because the previous owners thought that was a good look…). I wish that we made more money so that we could travel more. I wish I could maintain my motivation to work out, eat healthier, and ultimately lose weight and keep it off, but that is an ongoing battle. I have been on a journey of self-discovery of sorts and I know that I am made for more, more, more. What that more is, I am just not too sure. I know that I want to be a published author. I have three books in various states of completion. I want to travel as many places as possible. And, I want something more, but I have no idea what that is. I have been trying to figure that out, but it feels like it is just around the corner or over the horizon and I can’t figure it out. I do feel like the “monster” of my youth fell asleep the further I have gone into adulthood, but being in my 40’s has stoked the fire of my journey to self-rediscovery. Who am I now? What do I want? Where do I fit in this life I have built? How do I stay me while also wearing the wife hat? The mom hat? The friend hat? The teacher hat? The adult hat? The sibling hat? The daughter and daughter in law hat? All of the hats.

    The Second Stanza:

    “I’m sick of having no pulse, no life, no soul
    A flat line on my vitals
    I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna live like that
    I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna live like that”

    I’ve spent the last few months feeling numb. It was easier than facing my overwhelming feelings. I would stare into the void or lose myself in TV or sleep late because waking up was too difficult. I had a pulse. I was alive, but I didn’t always feel like it. I have crawled out of the darkest places I found myself in this summer, but now I want to really live. I want to enjoy life. I want to thrive. But I am so tired. It is so hard to find the energy to do the things I want to do that will lead me to this life that is more alive. I want to change, but how do I do that?

    The Third Stanza:

    “Oh, oh, oh
    Oh, oh (hey, hey, hey, hey)
    Oh, oh, oh
    Oh, oh (hey, hey, hey, hey)
    Feel like I’m rising and shining (oh, oh, oh)
    Rubbing my eyes and I’m finding (oh, oh)
    My way up outta here (hey, hey, hey, hey)
    I’ve been asleep for a minute (oh, oh, oh)
    But my visions are beginning (oh, oh)
    To finally reappear (hey, hey, hey, hey)”

    I do feel like this is the stanza that I am working towards. I am beginning to rise and shine. I am rubbing my eyes and I have been asleep for some time. I am starting to reappear, but I am not there yet. I look forward to the, hopefully, near future when the “Monster” inside is fully awake and is fully realized and is living the life she always imagined. Maybe she just needs an energy drink first…

  • Post #11: 8/15/25: Champion of Sorts

    Post #11: 8/15/25: Champion of Sorts

    Cup Status: On Its Side and Spilling All Over the Counter

    Teacher tired. There is no other tired like it, except maybe new mom tired, but that is something else entirely. Lol! This week has been the back-to-school week for teachers at my school, and I have been able to get quite a bit accomplished. It has been nice to see my colleagues again. It has been nice to be back in my classroom again. It has been nice to be back in my element. The place where I feel like I know what I am doing. Where I can choose how I want things to go and how I am going to help my students accomplish the goals that I set for them. This is where I look at evidence based practices and effect sizes and differentiated instruction and collaborative learning versus direct/explicit instruction. This is where I speak the language of teaching with all of the alphabet soup with others who are fluent in the language as well. CSIP and MSIP and BSIP and MOI and EOC and JPS and MLS and all of the others. I have already consumed more coffee in one week than I have all summer. I have enjoyed many pastries and cookies that were thoughtfully given to the school for us to enjoy. So good!

    I am doing my best to go to sleep earlier, but it is so difficult to do. All I want to do is stay up late and continue my binge watch of Grey’s Anatomy. My body betrays me, though, and I feel like a zombie when I get home no matter how much I want to watch just one more episode. This back to school season is kicking my butt. I hope that as I get into the rhythm of the school year that my energy level can even out. I would like for my body energy to match my mental energy for the beginning of the school year. The problem is, I don’t have the energy to do the things that need to be done to help raise my energy level. I know what to do, but I do not have the drive to do it. Meal prep healthy meals. Work out. Go to bed earlier. Do not doom scroll on my phone. Reduce the amount of caffeine that I consume. Etc. That’s the thing about being an adult. In my work life, I am able to make decisions that help things to run smoothly, but in my personal life, it seems like I am unable to find the ability to function fully. I cannot find my element here. I pride myself on being so organized and a planner and all of that, but those skills shine at work and not so much at home. I feel a bit like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. At work, I am a superhero of getting things done. At home, I struggle to get off the couch. I am an extroverted introvert at work. At home, I am a full on exhausted introvert.

    At work today, we listened to a motivational speaker talking about the importance of being “All In” in life and at work. We received a memento, a token, with the words printed on it. He suggested that we decide where we wanted to keep the token as a reminder of where we needed to be “All In”. I sat in the gym, listening, and realized that I am already “All In” at work. I give so much to my students and my work because that is where I currently find so much of my validation and get so many of my needs met. What I realized was, I am not “All In” at home. It isn’t because I don’t want to be. It isn’t because I don’t care. I love my family. I love my home. I love myself. But I am starting to think that energy is finite. I don’t like that one bit. Because if that is true, then I have to really make sure that I am not giving too much energy at work to the detriment of my home and the ones I love. My crazy grandmother once told me that she only had enough love for me and not my two siblings because she only had so much love to give and she had already given the majority of her love to her dogs and cats. This concept perplexed me so much. How can love be finite? That’s ridiculous. However, energy is finite and I need to find a way to generate more of it or at least to parse it out differently. More learning for me. You would think that life would not be this difficult to figure out, but it is. So, I think that I need to be “All In” to figure out how to to be “All In”. This wears me out just thinking about it. How does a person be “All In” in every part of their lives? I want to be, I just don’t know how.

  • Post #10: 8/7/25: Thriving on Stress

    Post #10: 8/7/25: Thriving on Stress

    Cup Status: Filling Up, But Confused About Why

    So, I’ve really been thinking lately about why I feel more comfortable and like myself when I am busy and have deadlines and am, for lack of a better word, stressed. Why is it that I seem to thrive on stress? Why is my baseline for normal filled with a racing heart, shallow breathing, a pounding headache, and reminders to just breathe? The closer I get to the start of school, the closer I get to all of the deadlines, the more alive I feel. This just feels weird. I was in a therapy session recently and my therapist gave me a deck of cards that had different words that represent needs on them such as “valued” and “loved” and “respected” and others such as “creative” and “financial security”. He asked me to organize them however I wanted to in order to categorize them to show where those needs are currently being met, at least according to me. I decided on three categories: family/home, friends, and work. I started putting cards in piles and it soon became apparent that I have most of my needs met at work. When I looked closer at the needs that are being met at work, I realized that many of them could, and probably should, be met in different ways in my personal life, if only I let them. But then, I hear my therapist saying, don’t should all over your life. So instead, I will say, that I will be finding other ways to meet the needs that work is currently the only place that is meeting them. For example, “creativity.” I used to love scrapbooking, but I haven’t done it in 15 years despite having all of the supplies to enjoy the hobby. “Growth” is another need that gets met at work, but at home, I am not sure where I can grow at home. I am looking for ways to do this, besides literally growing food in my garden. The problem is, shifting my mindset and trying to live this different way seems impossible. I don’t even know where to start or how to do this. So, I do what I do best and I start researching. As a starting point, here is what I have found so far thanks to the article “CALM IS A CHOICE – STRESS IS A CHOICE”(https://martawilson.com/calm-is-a-choice/), “The brain chemicals that generate enthusiasm for a challenge are different from those that generate fear of a threat. And in many cases, whether we experience enthusiasm or fear is a matter of choice. We can choose attitudes that challenge, motivate and mobilize us, and that bring out the best in us. In other words, we can circumvent the fight or flight impulse by choosing to feel neither. How? By changing how we think.” It’s that idea of choosing how to think that confuses me. We can choose a new attitude. But, sometimes when we are in the middle of the stressful situation or the challenge facing us is so daunting, that can seem impossible. It is, however, something that I am going to actively try because I hope to get to where this next portion describes, “Eventually, we learn how to choose so our bodies don’t click into a fight or flight response at all. When we take responsibility for our assumptions, we begin to break the cycle of stress and become free to face seeming threats with energy and enthusiasm. What’s required is a conscious mental shift in how we view our world. What’s required is a change in attitude.” Not everything requires fight or flight. I need to remember that. A challenge can be exciting. It doesn’t have to soul crushing or migraine inducing, right? This will definitely be an uphill climb, but I am going to try to begin it with a positive attitude.

  • Post #9: 8/4/25: Procrastination of Joy

    Post #9: 8/4/25: Procrastination of Joy

    Cup Status: It’s Complicated

    As the summer winds down and the days pass faster and faster, I see the beginning of another school year looming closer and closer. It isn’t that I am not excited for another year. It isn’t that I don’t want to meet my new students. It is just that this summer has been so weird for me and I am finally getting to a point where I am feeling like myself. You see, most teachers will tell you that it takes weeks before they can fully relax. The “I should be grading or planning something” reflex doesn’t just turn off like flipping a switch when I left the building for the summer. Then, we were still getting settled into our house, so I spent time working on that. Unpacking the last of the boxes and working on the yard in between crazy rainfalls. I wanted to take the kids to fun places and have a staycation of sorts, but I just couldn’t seem to get myself to follow through on any of the ideas that I came up with. I couldn’t seem to muster the energy. When we did go somewhere, I found myself having a panic attack or feeling so overwhelmed that I couldn’t enjoy myself. I am not sure if it was suppressed emotions surfacing from March and all that happened when my husband nearly died or if it was just the stresses of the school year winding down and surfacing. I don’t know if it was just the general struggles of life. I don’t know if it was all of it combined. But, this summer has felt like me walking through a fog and not being able to enjoy myself. But, now that my days of “freedom” are almost over, I am finally finding a way to enjoy the little things. Walking in my neighborhood, the beautiful weather, yoga, grilling, writing these blog entries, finding a treasure in a thrift shop. It seems like, I don’t feel fully present until I have no time left. It is a procrastination of joy. It is as if I can’t enjoy life unless there is some kind of timeline telling me when. I don’t know if I even know how to live my life without stress and deadlines in it. It is almost as if the lack of them, takes away part of my joy and that seems so wrong and backwards. I am less productive when I have more time even though accomplishing tasks usually brings me joy, the joy of a job well done. I am less energetic when I am getting more sleep and I find it near impossible to wake up early, even with setting multiple alarms. I find that I eat less healthy when I have all the time to devote to healthy eating. The same goes for physical activity. I love to walk and hike and do yoga, but this summer, I could barely make myself take a step outside. When school is in session, I find that I eat healthier because I meal prep and snack prep and can only eat what I bring with me to work or have ready. I walk after school at the park on the days when I don’t have meetings. I get up early on Saturday and hike at the park when I am able to. I have less time, so I get projects done on the weekends or at night in between making dinner or getting outfits ready for the next day, etc. I may be tired from getting up early and working all day and then being a mom when I get home, but I sleep well and feel pretty energetic. The funny thing is, I have the highest levels of stress and busyness of the full year, yet I feel the most alive and the most accomplished and dare I say…the happiest. There clearly must be something wrong with me if I feel happiest when I am at my least relaxed, right? When I am relaxed, I feel lost and confused. I don’t even recognize myself in the summer, but I do wonder if maybe she is the side of me who I need to discover more. Who is this relaxed person? How can I be more comfortable in her skin? How can I feel more alive when I am her? My goals going into this school year, for myself, are to deep breathe, continue yoga, continue these blog posts, get quality sleep, and make sure that I am taking time to relax whenever possible. I want to do my best to embrace relaxation. To be as low stress as possible. Daily would be the dream. On my laptop, I have a sticker that says, “If not now, when?” That is going to be my mantra, spoken kindly to myself and with minimal pressure. But for now, I am entering the home stretch. The phase I call “school nesting” where I finish as many projects as I can and meal prep as much as I can and wash all of the clothes and linens that I can and basically make sure that my home is in as much order as it can be before the crazy time starts. On the school side, I am prepared. I am always prepared for that, but it is so much harder to prepare your home and family for the inevitable transition back to school. But, ready or not, here it comes.

    *The photo is my classroom on the first day back this summer before school starts. Before any of the boxes are unpacked or any of the drawers in my desk are refilled with supplies.

  • Post #6: 7/31/25: The Trappings of Life

    Post #6: 7/31/25: The Trappings of Life

    Cup Status: Emptying One Drop at a Time

    Today, I am still thinking about stuff. Belongings. Things. Items. The trappings of life. The reason this has been on my mind so much lately is because I have been helping my mother in law clean out her parents’ house. They built this house in the 1950’s with their own hands. Her father saw a picture of the front of the house with a floor plan in a magazine and he used that to help him build the house. They lived in the house for 70 years. Raised 2 children in the house. Had a wedding the house. Celebrated many holidays in the house. Made countless meals in the house. Lived life in the house. Now, all these years later, we are sifting through the evidence of those years.

    They both lived through the great depression and lean times when they didn’t have much. As a result of this, they saved anything and everything that could be useful or that might be needed again one day. They saved anything and everything that was ever given to them. Because of this, my mother in law and I have been sorting through boxes and boxes of greeting cards sent with love and piles of used gift bags and tissue paper that could be used again and bags of pens gathered from various banks and conventions and hotels across the years. We have found receipts for the purchase of building materials back in 1961 and the first payment coupons for the mortgage back in the 1950’s. We have found four generations of baby shoes. 100’s of bobby pins and dozens of hair nets. We have found mementos of work achievements. 25 years with the company and then 30 years and then retirement. We have found outfits through the decades and have had a good chuckle at the fashion choices. Did Papa really have a tie with mushrooms on it? Did Grandma ever wear all of those sweater vests that we found? We don’t remember seeing her wear those. We have found tons of tiny Ziploc bags with buttons in them in case the original falls off of the garment they came with. We have found so many glass jars from spaghetti sauce and salsa and jelly. You never know when you might need a good jar. We have found 12 pairs of nail clippers, so far. We have found so, so many things. But, we have also found love letters written when their relationship was new when they called each other their “Dearest Darling.” We have found decades of pictures showing the expansion of family and the growth of love. Sifting through the evidence of lives well-lived and people who are dearly loved and missed has been both difficult and so, so beautiful. It makes me think about the items that are important and the items that will one day end up in a trash bag. What is worth cherishing and preserving now for later? What has true value and what is just stuff? That is the lesson that I have been learning lately.

  • Post #5: 7/30/25: Too Much Stuff

    Post #5: 7/30/25: Too Much Stuff

    Cup Status: 1/2 Full

    So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about stuff. Belongings. The things we choose to bring into our homes, collect, display, keep, save for later, etc. This topic has been on my mind because my family moved twice in 2024 and each time we needed to downsize our belongings in order to fit better into our new home. Our first home was 3600 square feet and had an additional shop building that was at least 1,000 square feet, but I don’t remember exactly. And, we filled it up. I collected holiday decorations and outdoor children’s toys and craft projects to get to one day and our children had more toys than they could possibly play with in a year if they played with a different toy each day. My husband and I both have hobbies that take up quite a bit of space (I scrapbook and read lots of books which requires the collecting and storage of lots of crafting supplies and books, of course). My husband is a music guy and loves vinyl, so he has a collection that would rival any record store (and of course he needs to have the equipment to play them on, and the backup turntable if the primary one goes out and this other turntable will be awesome if he can get it fixed one day and and and…). We also really like to get things for free, so when people give things to us, neither of us are too good at saying no, especially if it is something for our kids. So, after 12 years in the same house, we needed to get rid of mountains of things, stuff, clutter, weight before we could move forward to a new beginning. We loved the potential that our house had, but we had reached the limits of our DIY skills and budget and it was time to bid a sad farewell to well-intentioned plans. So, we began the process of sifting through the things. I was ready to say goodbye to the clutter. I had watched the shows on Netflix and read the Marie Kondo books. I could identify what sparked joy and what was practical and necessary and what was sentimental. I also knew that I disagreed with dear Ms. Kondo about how many books to keep, but I did agree that I didn’t need three copies of War and Peace…my husband, on the other hand, was not in the same place of readiness as me. I’m pretty sure that we moved with him parting with one box of items, but that’s ok. He wasn’t ready. My kids were following in their dad’s footsteps, so I helped them when they were not home. I weeded through the masses of Happy Meal toys and broken things that I had no idea what they were, but they had clearly lost their function. I matched up dolls with outfits and put Legos all in one bin. I was an organization master! I could teach a master class on this! But, when it was time to squeeze it all into moving trucks, it still took 6 trucks and countless trips in my own car in the weeks before we hired movers to get the big stuff. Dear goodness. We moved into a temporary rental while we waited for our dream home. This is where the real trial began. I began stating the mantra, “If it doesn’t fit, it can’t stay.” My husband was getting on board. He could see the wisdom in this. Our rental house was 1800 square feet. Our two boys were sharing a room. My husband and I were sharing a closet. GASP!!! We used the garage as craft and music room as well as storage and where the deep freeze and extra fridge went. It was also where my library/office went and our work out equipment (did I mention that I am a master organizer?). Also, I once fit half of a dorm room into a Ford Aspire. Yeah. I did that. We filled boxes with more items to part with and each of us, even the kids, started seeing our things with less value in the “need” category and as more of a nuisance. Something they had to find a place for and keep clean so that they could function in their smaller spaces. I cut my wardrobe by half and discovered that all I did was cut out the clothes I never wore anyway. It was really nice. Then, a few months later, and much earlier than we had planned, we found our dream home on the market. It is 2400 square feet. A little smaller than we had planned, but the perfect style in the perfect neighborhood. Everyone has their own bedrooms again. My husband and I have our own closets again. We love it! But, with another move, came another round of purging. With another round of unpacking and finding places for things, came another round of, “If it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t stay.” This time I also added, “If it doesn’t fit my decorating style or a wall in this house, it doesn’t stay.” I had to add this because I had boxes of home decor that I was saving for my forever home. Well, we are in it. This is THE home. So, there goes the wall decor I bought ten years ago and never hung up. There goes the curtains I never used because I never had a window to use them on. There goes the candle holder I never used because I didn’t have a mantle for it and now that I have a mantle, I didn’t like it anymore. Letting go of stuff has helped me to lighten my emotional load as well as the physical load in my house. Now, the only items I store are the holiday decorations that I actually use and the outdoor toys and garden items that we actually use. It feels so good. I also make it a point to only bring things into our home that I love or need. My kids definitely have not kept the ways we have learned, but I am trying to help them to remember. “If it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t stay.” Why do we allow our things to have so much power over us? When we have stuff we have to tend to it. Move it around. Dust it. Store it. Feel guilty about not using it. Get mad if someone breaks it. I know that I will never be a minimalist, but I am glad that I have a healthier view of stuff than I did a year ago.

  • Post #4: 7/29/25: Cat Yoga

    Post #4: 7/29/25: Cat Yoga

    Cup Status: 3/4 full

    Yoga. Breathe, stretch, breathe, relax. Such a great way to destress and enjoy some self-care. I have been completing a different yoga workout each night for three weeks now. I usually do this before bed to help me to relax and wash away the stresses of the day. So, the last yoga session that I was completing, I was on the floor with my left leg extended and my right knee pulled to my chest. My eyes closed. Breathe in. Breathe out. Relaxation. So nice. Sigh. Then. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Pat. Pat. Pat. Sllllliiiiiddddeeee. Meow! A small, plastic, purple ball hit me in the face followed by a ball of fur with four paws. My 6 month old kitten ran into my face. After a brief, “What the heck?!” from me. I laughed and said, “Milo!” I lowered my right leg and lifted my left leg to my chest and hugged it. He purred and rubbed his body against my face, wrapping his tail around my neck. I laughed. Then I lowered my left leg, rolled onto my left side and onto my hands and knees. I moved into a table pose to begin cat/cow when my kitten decided he wanted to help out. He jumped on my back as I lowered my back into cow and raised it into cat. He purred happily. I could feel the vibrations in my back. I couldn’t help but laugh. Then, the instructor on the video told me to move into down face dog. I warned Milo that he was about to go for a ride and tried to gently move him from my back, but he clung on, so I moved into the pose and down he went. He moved fairly gently and landed on his feet, but he made sure to meow with a bit of disdain in his little kitty voice, just to let me know that he was not happy with my choices. As I held the pose, he continued to meow but he moved to my feet and nipped at my toes to express his displeasure at me. How dare I mess up his place to sit and be. As I moved down into sphynx pose, Milo reminded me of his presence. He sauntered toward my face. He rubbed his tail around my neck and then walked back towards my feet. He stepped onto my leg and walked up onto my back. He then made himself into a cat scarf around my neck. The sphynx now had an accessory. A very furry and warm accessory. I held the pose and giggled to myself. What a silly, ridiculous cat. He was ruining my peaceful, self-care moment when I was supposed to be introspective and serious and healing my emotional scars. Goodness cat. I gently moved into a sitting position and thanked myself for setting aside this time. Milo stayed in position as my cat scarf and I thanked him too. He brought a level of laughter and hilarity to my solemn practice that I didn’t realize I needed. I have never been a cat person, anyone who knows me knows this to be true, but ever since Milo walked into our lives on June 21, 2025 I have become a cat person, or at least a Milo kitty person. He has brought laughter and snuggles and frustration into our lives in so many ways. I am so happy for most of his shenanigans even for the cat yoga. So, after I finished my session, I scooped up my kitten and snuggled him close while he purred happily. Ridiculously cute, Milo.

  • Post #3: 7/28/25: Spa Day for my Soul

    Post #3: 7/28/25: Spa Day for my Soul

    Cup Status: It’s Complicated

    So, I started the day out with my 6th-month cleaning at the dentist. Thankfully, I had a good report. Go, me! But, as I lay in the chair repeating this mantra, “It is just a spa day for your teeth. Just a spa day for your teeth. Just a spa day for your teeth…” to help keep my mind off of the sounds and sensations of 6 months of unintentionally missed build-up. This led me to think about how I wish that I could have a spa day for my stress. It would be so nice to open up my brain for a few moments and have someone swipe a little cleanser on there and then give it a buff with a swirly, high power brush to clean away the stresses of life one layer at a time. Then, after that portion, I would love to open up my heart and have someone use the high pressure water tool to spray away the pains and heartaches that weigh so heavily on me lately. Then, I would use the pick tool to scrape away the tension that has built up on my shoulders and embedded itself deep into my neck. One speck at a time. Scrape. Scrape. Scrape. The shoulders rise higher. The neck lifts up. The head feels lighter than before. Then, finish it all up with the floss. Let’s move it between my fingers to loosen the stiffness between each joint and digit so that I can continue to work hard and push forward in life. The dentist comes in and checks the x-rays, the cleaning, the visual inspection is complete. No, visual damage. No damage under the surface can be detected by the x-rays. But, the damage is still there, because the cleaning was only on the surface and the X-rays only go so far. Every 6 months, (or sooner) there will need to be another deep de-stressing. Every day there will need to be maintenance de-stressing. Eventually, maybe, the deepest layers can be reached and scraped away, but for now, I will continue to buff, and spray, and scrape, and floss away what I can while still moving forward with life because as Ellis Grey says in Grey’s Anatomy, “The carousel never stops turning.” Although when I am saying it, I don’t mean that it is awful being an adult; it’s just really difficult sometimes. Sigh.