Cup Status: Empty, but Trying to Catch a Few Dew Drops
The last few weekends, once spring began and the danger of frost had ended, I began working on my garden. I removed debris such as leaves left from fall and any weeds that had made it past my weed barrier. I retilled the soil and added my special plant fertilizer. I then replaced the weed barrier and carefully, almost reverently, placed my baby plants into their new homes. For the plants that I was starting from seed by direct sowing into the ground, I dug small holes to the specifications of each type of plant and placed a few seeds into each prepared hole. I watered the baby plants and seeds, then I took a deep breath, and I hoped. I hoped that the time I put into preparing the soil was time well spent. That each obstacle removed would ensure a healthy harvest. That the fertilizer I added would nourish each plant as it grew and bore fruit for my family. That each seed and plant would have such a harvest that my family would be able to feast all summer and into the fall with plenty left over to freeze for the winter. This was my hope as I toiled in my garden over several spring weekends.
Hope is the one emotion, the one concept, the one life raft that keeps people going during difficult times. During times when it feels like the end of the difficulties isn’t in sight and never will be. When it feels like all of the resourcefulness and the ingenuity and the creativity have been used up.
Emily Dickinson reminds me that
“‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all -“
Hope never stops. It continues on beyond everything else. It takes up residence in our soul and continues singing for us even when we cannot sing for ourselves. Even when there are no words. Hope remains. I don’t know how it remains, but it does.
Barack Obama reminds me that
“Hope- Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope. In the end, that is…The belief that there are better days ahead.”
To continue to hope when life is constantly throwing obstacles in my way and tripping me up with challenges that I wish could have been avoided. To continue to hope when I am feeling so uncertain about how I will make it from one obstacle to the next. To have the audacity, the boldness, the bravery, the courage to continue clawing through those obstacles to find the light on the other side of the darkness. That is what hope is all about. Even when it feels like all of my hope should be diminished, I seem to scrounge up more. Seriously, where does it keep coming from?
What kind of English teacher would I be if I didn’t have at least one quote from a young adult dystopian novel, too? Even though I hate that these wise words come from the mouth of President Snow, he does make a fair point.
Snow tells Seneca Crane in The Hunger Games, “Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.”
That is what I need to remember daily. Hope. It is such a small word, but it is capable of overcoming so much. Of pushing back fear. Of giving a person the strength to keep putting one foot in front of another. To seek help. To find creative solutions. To keep working towards the light at the end of the tunnel of the struggles until, hopefully, one day they can live the life they imagined. And by “they,” I mean me.
So, how to wrap up? How about the end? How will I know when I am at the end of the troubles? Thanks to one of my favorite artists, I will know…
Andy Grammar reminds me that
“It’s just a chapter in your story
Turn that page and grab that pen
‘Cause, darling, everything’ll be alright
If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end
Don’t you trust what they are saying
All those voices in your head
‘Cause, darling, everything’ll be alright
If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end
Then it’s not the end”
I feel like some chapters of my life I would have rather skipped or torn out of the book or perhaps would like the editor to cut it before the book goes to print, but I also suppose then, my life wouldn’t have made me who I am…a depressed, neurotic mess…I can’t say that I agree with people who say that we should be grateful for our struggles because they have made us stronger or that everything happens for a reason or this was my fate or my path. I just can’t believe in that. I won’t be grateful for some of the things that I have gone through. I refuse to believe that the abuses I suffered through in several different situations are something that happened for a reason. I would gladly have lived my life without experiencing them. I would gladly have found strength another way so that I wasn’t also having to fight through the damage that was done from those situations all these years later. I can’t be grateful for some of the poor decisions that I made in my past that have led me to some of the challenges that I am facing today. Sure, poor financial decisions when I was young did lead me to be able to cook Ramen 1,000 different ways and I can make many different sauces from takeout condiment packets, but these fabulous life skills aside, I would rather I had made much better decisions when I was younger. What I can be grateful for, however, is that I still have hope. Everything will eventually be alright. I hope. I will keep working towards that in every way that I can, but sometimes that work is so tiring and the weight is so heavy.
So, instead, I garden. I place my hope in a tiny seed. I remove its obstacles. I prepare the soil with nutrients. I plant it carefully. I water it diligently. I remove any new obstacles that get in its way and threaten its ability to thrive. I protect it from harm as it is growing. I check on it daily and I hope for a harvest. Because that is what keeps me looking forward. Hope.
The Cup 